Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Disneyland Sucks!


I was determined this morning to get an early start. I wanted to wake up at 7:00 am to take part in the complimentary continental breakfast our Comfort Inn provides by 8:00 am. I was also determined to spend as little money as possible in a state that declares all people of color possible illegal immigrants (more on this later). For some reason, once my family is on vacation we are able to remain on schedule quite well. We walked down the hall to the breakfast area and as we waited in line for the small styrofoam cups of coffee, the tiny bowls of cereal, and the two waffle machines for a full hotel of at least 40 rooms, we decided to just go to our standard- McDonald's. So maybe just a little money to the local businesses won't encourage them to vote for racist legislation?

After breakfast we drove the 50 or so miles to the South entrance of the Grand Canyon National Park. This was the only thing during this trip I really wanted to do. If I am going back to Albuquerque, then I am at least going to stop at the Grand Canyon. I was excited and a little nervous because I had no idea what to expect. I tend to over plan things in my life and often end up disappointed. I over plan in the classroom, which is a good thing. I over plan in my personal life, which can be a bad thing. I also over plan all of our family trips, which sometimes makes me a bit anxious if things don't go as planned. Yes, a normal person, a sane and good person would go with the flow and enjoy the fact that he is spending quality time with his family, but this is something I am working on. After paying the 25 bucks to enter the park (good for 7 days, and coincidentally doesn't count toward my political issues because it is a National Park) I really had no idea what to do. This is a rarity for me.



For those of you who know me, I am an admitted Disney whore. My family and I love anything and everything Disney. We love it and don't care if we pay a 500% mark up because it is Disney. Therefore, as blasphemous as this may sound- Disneyland sucks---- compared to the real thing that is. Until now, my only reference point for the Grand Canyon has been the train ride at Disneyland. For the Disneyphile this makes sense, to the yet to be converted I will explain. After the train at Disneyland departs the Tomorrowland station you enter a tunnel that contains a fake scenery of the Grand Canyon filled with fake plants and stuffed animals (the taxidermy sort, not the 500% mark up sort you buy in the Disney stores). The background is a painted mural of the Grand Canyon that scrolls buy as you listen to Donkey music. And you thought I couldn't get a burro reference in three days in a row. The landscape is over within a few seconds and the train continues on to the Primevil World that scared the living shit out of me when I was a kid. Now that I have seen the Grand Canyon I may never ride that train again, or at least get off at Tomorrowland.

The Grand Canyon is the second most beautiful thing I have ever seen with my own eyes in my entire life; Liam's birth being the first. Although it was a bit gross and awkward because he was delivered cesarian and there were a bunch of medical students sharing the moment with Susan and myself. I'm not sure I will ever get over how breathtaking it is. I am certain however that the adjective "Grand" does not do it justice. Once our initial shock subsided we joined the ranks of tourists attempting to get as close to the edge as possible to get the perfect shot without falling off. Naibe and I did our best to become the next victims of the tourist fly trap, but we only wound up with some great memories.

We then set off on a trail known as the "geologic trail through time." As the Canyon is over one billion years old you can only imagine how long this trail is. The trail is lined with stones from the many layers the Canyon is composed of, each one of them sliced down the middle and polished smooth. I must admit, this was probably and most likely will be the most beautiful walk I have ever been on. Yet as we walked what seemed like the 270 mile length of the Canyon there was Susan touching each stone and fantasizing how it would look as our kitchen countertop. I say what seemed like 270 miles because it was probably 3 miles at the most. Yes I nearly passed out twice and an elderly Mexican couple took the more difficult path while I took the easier path for disabled hikers (don't you think I didn't notice them snickering either), but it was a walk I will never forget. We took lunch at the famed El Tovar Hotel, which looks like The Country Bear Jamboree threw up in Arizona, and rode the bus back to the car.



Swimming and a quick stop at the dumpiest theme park in this world and beyond kept me from my plan of undermining Arizona's immigration law. I was going to hang out at a Home Depot and wait to be picked up unlawfully by a confused law enforcement officer, thinking that this would start a chain reaction of wrongful arrest lawsuits that would crush the entire system like Hugh the Borg with an individual consciousness in Star Trek, but that will have to wait. The theme park was well worth putting aside my revolutionary plans for a bit. Halfway to the Canyon in Valle, Arizona there is a Bedrock Flintstones theme park/ RV park, yes you read it right, a theme park/ RV park. You don't even have to pay the five dollar entrance fee to truly appreciate the wondrous tackiness that is American culture, the parking lot is all you need.


Tomorrow we leave for Albuquerque and begin my next over planned phase of the journey- the DDD tour. No this is not about going to Vegas, it's about food. I want to hit as many spots as possible as that Guy Fieri guy hit on his show, "Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives." The first one on the list is in Flagstaff and once again we will skip the generous Comfort Inn spread to have breakfast there. I promise this will be the last money I spend in Arizona before hitting the barely blue state of New Mexico. By the way, tomorrow is also Naibe's 10th birthday. We have to figure out something special for her because she is not thrilled about being on the road during her birthday. Susan shot down my Deer Farm idea due to tick season, how she is aware of this I have no idea.

I'll let you know how this goes tomorrow.

3 comments:

  1. Hilarious! Of course, tell Naibe I wish her a wonderful birthday! Too bad part of your over planning did not include a birthday surprise by Guy Fieri himself! Wait... I think you might have enjoyed that more than her! Are you going to get to go to Heart Attack Hut?... you know where the waitresses wear nurse uniforms?

    ReplyDelete
  2. Wonderful! Wonderful! Wonderful! You have such a talent for this type of writing, Justin! Enjoyed every last comment. Anxious for your take on your DDD experiences. Oh, did you go near the plexiglass (or whatever) overhang at the Grand Canyon? A type of bravery I do not have. I think Naibe will always remember her 10th birthday.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Great blogging. I am enjoying following you guys on your journey, too. Tell Susan I like the green jumper she is wearing by the tree. Happy Birthday Naibe!!!

    ReplyDelete